A-plus, A-cup parenting

Couldn't help but share a few weird things I heard at Victoria's Secret today, all in the few short minutes it took me to exchange some sexy pajamas for practical beige bras. (You're welcome, Anthony.):

From a fellow shopper:
"Do you know if we can try things on? I've never been to this store before."

What I wanted to say: "Are you from Earth?"
What I actually said: "Yes, probably everything but the underwear."

From the customer service gal:
"Would you like a free stuffed dog with your purchase?"

What I wanted to say: "Who the hell is your target market?"
What I actually said: "Roman, look at the cool prize you won!"

(He now loves this odd little dog.)

And, finally, from Roman, looking perplexed while I tried on bras:
"What is that? Is it to cover your nickels?!

That's right, sweet shopping parter...a girl's gotta keep her nickels under wraps.

Checkmate

Anthony's been waiting a long time for a chess partner; who knew it would be our four-year-old?!

Results forthcoming...

The Gift of Snark

Mark this one as another milestone day for Ben. And, nope, he still can't tie shoes or mow the lawn, but the kid can (drum roll please)...

Recognize sarcasm!

And thank goodness...we've been laying it on pretty thick since long before he was born.

So, there we were, driving home from the gym, when I commented aloud about sharing the road with a particularly super duper excellent driver.

After a pause, Ben asked, "Mom, are you being funny?"

Hallelujah, he gets it!

Maybe it was inevitable. Our friend Jeremiah predicted during my pregnancy, "that's going to be one sarcastic kid." But he also labeled Wichita "the town that humor forgot," so I started to worry that the gift of dry humor was locked up with the Scarecrow's brain and Tin Man's heart.

Thankfully, I've found and befriended a little pocket of good great-humored people, who aren't openly put-off by my sarcasm. Hopefully they realize I come from a long line of established smart asses, then I married one, so it's beyond my control.

But I can't tell you how many times my (hilarious!) comments to strangers, waitstaff, passersby, etc. have been met by....

Crickets...

Eye rolls...

Blank stares...

Offense.

So, either I change my tone or embrace my new audience: Ben and Roman. And the latter seems more fitting, especially considering Roman's latest, the eye roll, which he was nice enough to let me capture:

Just remind me, when they're 15 and 16, that I once loved their gift of snark.

Catching Our Breath

Roman asked just before bed: Can we go back to the hospital for one of those popsicles?

He's referring to the popsicle that, with a steroid chaser, cost a $100 co-pay and last night's rest. Poor guy was stricken with croup, so I took his barking little body to our friendly neighborhood ER, where he was finally able to catch his breath and watch Toy Story 2. And enjoy a midnight popsicle.

(Note the clock. We don't like to be anywhere but bed at zero-o'clock)

And so marks our official return to normal here in Wichita. We're all recovering, actually, and trying to catch our breath from an extended case of California vacation jetlag. We had the most lovely time, and all that beach, family, food and celebration made for a reluctant return. Indeed, I've mentally maintained Roman's ER posture (see above) for two full weeks. 

Thankfully, Ben jumped right back into school (he missed it, actually), there's a little snow on the ground (the first of the season) and, most importantly, Roman is better, after enjoying a sick day at home.

So here's to getting back into the Wichita swing of things (after a good night's rest, of course). And if homesickness strikes...

Ahhhh....deep breaths.